Saturday, 17 September 2011

The way we used to be

We used to laugh
We used to cry
We used to talk about forever you and I
And love was all we seemed to need
I still recall sometimes
The way we used to be


I recall the time when I used to believe.  We used to believe.  I knew in my heart that no matter what happens, whatever Life's challenges, I can face it with head held high and eyes wide open.  Now I'm just an automaton, moving thru each day just to survive one more day.

When this change occurred I do not know.  Maybe it just happened all of a sudden or the passing time had slowly chiseled away at my optimism and confidence over the years.  Who knows? I only know that at one point in my life, I went from a confident, generally optimistic fighter to a withdrawn, blubbering mess.  Oh, how fragile this ego. Was it bruised to badly that it cannot recover, or it just won't recover.

Sometimes I see my kids treading eggshells around me.  They don't realise it but I can tell.  I feel guilty.  Its not their fault yet they have to suffer along.  Sometimes I hug my baby and burst into tears.  She doesn't understand, but she gives me a hug and wipes my tears with her most precious bunny.  It breaks my heart.  They don't deserve a mother so weak.  What they do deserve is a happy home and loving parents.  They deserve more than this.  God help me...