Tuesday, 8 November 2011


You were the only one.  Only one I've ever loved.  My best friend, my confidante, my everything.  I trusted you absolutely.  And believed your every whisper, every shout.  Of your love for me, of our life together, of our future.  That I was and will always be your one and only.

Then you took it all away.  Awash in lies and deception.  Even when you were repeating those words to me, it was nothing but a ruse to keep me unaware.

Why?  If you no longer wanted me, why didn't you just let me go. 
Why?  If you no longer loved me, why didn't you just tell me.
Why?  If you wanted to be free to be with someone else, why didn't you just walk away?

Now you tell me that you made a mistake.  Now you tell me that I did nothing wrong.  That it was all your screwed up logic.  You don't feel you deserve my forgiveness.  You don't feel you deserve me.  But I don't have a choice.  I can't let you go and it hurts to have you back.  Either way, it hurts.  You have broken me.

All the trust I had for you, you've trashed it.  You didn't care enough to be honest with me.  Why?  If you had felt even a little bit of love for me, don't you think I deserved at least the truth?  Why?  Why was I to find out, to have it blindside me.  Do you realize that moment shattered everything I believed in?

But I forgave you.  Because I can't seem to shake off that I do love you.  Maybe more than you love me.  But when you said that you were no longer in love with me, that you wanted to be with her, you broke my heart.  You shattered it so badly I don't know if I can ever get it put back together again. 

Then you came back.  You said you made a mistake.  That it was all a delusional escape that you finally broke free from.  And I took you back.  Because I love you even now.  But my heart is still shattered.  The wound you inflicted still bleeds.  Will you help me heal?

1 comment:

  1. Wow. That's horrible. Just be careful. I know it hurts, I really do. But be careful that he doesn't snow you again. My XH did the same thing, left me for someone else. Two weeks later he said he messed up, blah blah blah, He wanted to come back, blah blah, he still loved me. I told him no. But I had four years of hell behind me as a reason not to take him back. Be strong and do what is best for YOU. Don't let him talk you into something you aren't sure of. That pain is your heart's way of telling you to wait, wait and be sure. And also remember Ronald Reagan, "Trust but Verify." He broke your trust already, so make him earn it back.

    And I'm always here for you if you want to talk.

    I will keep you in my prayers.